Posted by Amber Aug 14, 2005 ©ymwv.net
We have reason to believe now that we know who is responsible for the incident, but we will not be releasing much to our users until we have insured our ability to FULLY prosecute. But it was in fact Ninjas, super secret hacking Ninjas with Logical bombs! ! While aspd was protected by Chris, who really did invent the internet, it wasn’t safe from Logic.
Based on all evidence, this was definitely intentional, not just us being stupid, we cannot at this time release any information regarding who and want we believe the motives behind this to be, until we have completed tracking down the Ninjas responsible. But they were wearing masks so this may be hard. We have also joined with OJ to find the real killers!
The reason this occurred was this: we operate 3 servers. Stupid, DumB, and Clueless are their nicknames. The Stupid box primarily operated our chat and applets. The DumB server, amazingly enough, ran our databases. The Clueless server, runs our web server .
The Clueless server had write access to both other boxes, as this was needed for updating. The DumB server, had write access only to itself and Stupid…since there was no NEED to write to the web server. Likewise, Stupid had write access to itself and DumB. The neck bone connected to the ass-bone…
The initial invasion was through the Stupid Box… and we at first succeeded in shutting them out of that box…and placed a “honeypot” in the event of further attempts at intrusion. But they found some old pictures of me in the honeypot and knew it was a trap. I was so mad I blew three gerbils out of my ass! !
Unfortunately…there WAS an additional intrusion…and they DID succeed in planting logic on aspd on both Stupid and DumB servers. Logic on aspd caused the hard disks to stop spinning and the data to begin erasing its self. All of the Mods burst into flames and everyone’s PMs were emailed to someone named Ellie. It made me believe in God! I wonder are Angels just God’s really bad ass Ninjas? Both Stupid and DumB are being rebuilt to restore our former lack of functionality to its closest possible approximation. How will aspd run with logic on the servers, well we are going to take care of that as soon as we get everyone banned again. Both Stupid, DumB and Clueless are also being rebuilt with a higher lvl (Obviously, we must now go to enterprise scale due to our sheer size)[Equally obviously this is bullshit] of monitoring and systematic security controls. Those of you just think we did something wrong, are lying about it and will be BANNED. Those that have already been banned will be re-banned and in some instances HYPER-BANNED! ! !
Our biggest break in this is that we DO have a trail to follow it was bread crumbs and I may have eaten the important parts…but yes, damage was done, where was the off site backup? The Ninjas took it, these Ninjas are crafty. They have secret powers too!
We apologize profusely for the incovenience this has caused to our users. I am probably going to start asking for more money right about now. So let’s dig deep and give me some money Momma gots some server shopping to do. Sure we could have the site hosted and had professional backups like a normal pay site but that would be wrong. Why didn’t we upgrade to enterprise previously, I have been trying to keep membership and advertising costs as low as possible on this site to allow us to be usable by more. It also left more money for me.
For the rest of the techies out there: I am confident you realize exactly how much we are lying, but you had better shut up about it or it’s vacation time! We are unable to release further information as to HOW this was accomplished….at least until we have this Ninja locked up and held accountable. We have some very highly skilled folks working on this, and rest assured, we are doing as much as we can to return things to normal. Trained Ninja hunters, our anti-ninja Ninjas! ! !
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To whom it may concern:
Please cancel my subscription….I don’t want your issues!
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